By definition, a toxic relationship is characterised by behaviours on the part of toxic partner that are emotionally and not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. Toxic relationship is characterised by insecurity, dominance, control. Something which is poisonous to your body and which can hurt you.
Unfortunately, toxic relation doesn’t come up with labelled but yeah, there are plenty of warning signs alerting you are into something wrong. Toxic relationship is poisonous to your body not only physically, psychologically, but either way can seriously hurt us. The relationship in which one person routinely makes another person insecure, unhappy, fearful, or causes damage to their self esteem, tortured,controlled, abused and dominated by the other person all the above mentioned signs are of toxic relationship. It is not one time occurrence but it’s be repeated pattern of unwanted behaviour which can’t be tolerated for a long time. This can be happen in between in any kind of relationship as if parents, sibling, friends, colleagues, spouse, business partners or any other.
There are few signs which signifies the toxicity:
i. You feel uncomfortable being yourself around that person.
ii. You are not allowed to grow and change.
iii. You are totally controlled by that person.
iv. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with that person.
v. Everything seems that you cant do anything right.
If you are experiencing just one of these signs, evaluate your relationship and check what is worth for you. Embrace the answer that comes from your intuition, as it is the best for you- and this relationship might not be it. Take deliberate action according to your gut feeling. you won’t be Sorry. Because i have read somewhere that Listening to your Gut instinct, or Intuition helps you to avoid an unhealthy relationship and situations. So, trusting your intuition is a journey which will lead you back through such circumstances. Consider your intuition as a muscle to strengthen.
Take your time to analyse the entire moments you have shared with your loved ones. If you are feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship, its important that not to wait around until the effect of the misery settle into depression.
There are two points mentioned below which should be done after been into such toxicity;
a) Avoid abusive behaviour at any cost: If you are in a relationship doesn’t mean you ll accept everything in your partner. Adjustment is a part of life, not an issue with it but when its about something hurting you mentally or physically will not be acceptable. There are many such behaviours which are actually abusive. If someone is using a cruel words or language intentionally puts you down, humiliating behaviour is shown, doesn’t respect you. And of course, if you ever physically or sexually assaulted by your partner, that isn’t toxic, that’s abusive. If you are into such sort of relation, its much more important to stop right away. You have to take stand for yourself because if you can’t no one can stand for you. It’s OK to take your time and plan exit and the next phase.
b) Moving forward: Moving on, and thinking towards the future, can be a difficult task for this situation. But it’s the best way to escape from any such problem, at least you don’t have to face the same situation again and again. See its not a bad idea to move on because life is all about moving forward. If you ll stuck to one part of your life, you’ ll never move away. Actually the truth is everyone has struggles with loving relationships. Acknowledging that you may have fallen into a wrong (which is actually toxic) behaviour towards you in the past is the first steps to move forward. you can be recovered from the past toxic behaviour by:
i. Consult therapist: Unlike your family, friends, relatives, a therapist doesn’t have a personal stake in you relationship. Its their job to help you as healthy as you can be. By talking to a therapist make him understand what you have gone through. Therapist will understand you fully and develop a healthier behaviour in you which might will further develop a healthier relationships in the future.
ii. Self care is important: Caring of your mind, body and of course your heart can help you heal the wounds, nourishes your behaviour and of course eliminate the toxicity from your life. You can exercise either yoga or gym, you can devote your time to nourish your mental strength which is lost somewhere. Even meditation will heal you in a quick manner. Taking care of your mental health will definitely improve your lifestyle- your behaviour towards your partner, your thoughts will level up, simply you can feel yourself in a better way.
Every relationship deserves to be a healthy relationship: Realising you are the toxic one or were part of a toxic dynamic with someone else is really hard. Its easy to internalise feelings of shame or worthlessness, and feel that you are inherently a bad person or bad partner. You may even worry that you wont have a healthy relationships in the future.
But that’s not true, we all deserve a healthy relationship, and we can develop better relationship habits, as well. While being accountable for past toxic behavior can be painful, it should also feel hopeful. Confronting your past is a brave first step in the journey to a happier and healthier future.
Taking any action is the best medicine.
So let’s begin with some of the inspirational shalokas of Bhagavat Gita:
Be fearless – Soul is neither born nor does it ever die: Be fearless my friend. The biggest fear in our lives is “Fear of Death”. We all know that one day we are going to die. But don’t worry. The soul is glorious, fearless, free from old age and immortal. Death is solely the destruction of the body. The soul is neither born nor does it ever die. Eliminate fear of death from your mind as it creates discouragement in whatever you wanted to do it in life.
Bhagavat Gita Chapter2, Verse20.
Learn to tolerate – Nothing is permanent in this world: Winters and summers are temporary in nature. Similarly, pain and pleasure are impermanent. They will come and go away. Tough times will come and go away. Learn to tolerate them without being affected by them. Nothing is permanent in this world.
Bhagavat Gita Chapter2, Verse14.
Become stable like the ocean: this shaloka tell about the stability in life. Rivers merge in the ocean 24 x 7. But the ocean remains stable without being disturbed by the continuous flow of waters from rivers. Just like water of rivers, endless thoughts will come into your mind. It is absolutely normal. Nothing to worry about. Bad thoughts also knock on the mind. Reject the thoughts that distract you from your goal. Discard the temptations and the desires that stop you from reaching your ultimate goal. Learn to choose. Do not let your mind to control your life. Take control of your own hands.
Bhagavat Gita Chapter2, Verse70.
Focus on your action and not on the results: This is what we are taught from childhood (if you are from India) that “Karm Karo, Fal ki Chinta mat Karo”. It simply means that focus on your action and not on the byproduct. Which is more important – Results or Actions. Obviously, actions, because if you want good results, first improve your actions. Focus on the sure (actions), not on the unsure (results). Because if the results are not as per your expectations, pain is unavoidable. Krishna also said never consider yourself to be the cause of the results as results are not solely depends on your efforts. It depends on multiple factors, for example, situation, other people who are involved, etc. Also, do not attach yourself to inaction (निष्क्रियता) because sometimes when the work is hard and burdensome, we resort to inaction. So never lose interest in what you do.
Bhagavat Gita Chapter2, Verse47.
Three gateways to hell – Lust, Greed, and Anger: Lust, greed, and anger are the gateways to hell. These are the root cause of virtually every single problem in human life. (Here hell signifies self-destruction). If a person is lustful, greedy and remains angry, then this leads to the hell of self-destruction. It all starts with lust. Lust leads to greediness as you want more and more of something by any means. Finally, at some point, your lust turns into anger when you are not able to get that thing anymore. This destroys your peace of mind which is synonymous with hell. So, lust, greed, and anger actually disturb the balance of mind and soul. These things block the spiritual path and therefore called the gateways to hell.
Bhagavat Gita Chapter16, Verse21.
My Walking Cam 